Tuesday, April 21, 2009

A quarter of a doughnut

That's all it took! Easter weekend, spent it at the hospital celebrating the arrival of my great nephew with family. Everyone wanted to go to Dunkin Donuts/Baskin Robbins. Off we go, I am planning on buying nothing, only taking a sip from my daughters fat free frozen yogurt smoothie. I am waiting on everyone and talk myself into having a bite of a boston creme donut, I purchase it, take a quarter of it and give the rest to my friend. I think I heard halos playing as I savored this dang donut! But could I control myself.Noooo...I leave with a mango fat free frozen yogurt smoothie of my own and a 6 pack of donut holes. I only drink about half of the smoothie and ate one donut hole. The rest went in the trash. I felt so guilty. I worked so hard and went through so much to sabotage myself. That was it! I was done....until Monday when the leftover Nutella was staring me in my face...and Tuesday when the kids easter candy was on the table, peanut butter easter egg..ain't nothin like em; and Thursday when all the Easter candy was on sale 75% off. Oh and over the weekend, a bite of my daughter's chips and french fries. Ok I have unleashed a monster! Got to get back on track. Sunday went well. I refuse to give in...Monday was good too, except TOM arrived. Oh could that be it? Is that the reason or did I self sabotage? Either way, I am back on track. Go to the grocery store with DD last night and she wants me to buy this Oreo pie..no I say..well ok, only if we buy the Hershey Pie instead. What? Did I really just say that? Yes..I did and I ate a piece! WTH is wrong with me?? I know better! So now a quarter of a donut, that one choice has sent me spiraling down a sugary carb filled slope all week. Moral of the story, Just say No. I have said No so many times since surgery and the head hunger passed. I survived and did not die because I chose not to have something. Surgery is not a cure all and it makes me even more angry than ever to hear someone say it's the easy way out. This is not easy. I still have to make a choice so...Back to the basics. I must brush myself off and try again. I CAN do this!

Friday, April 3, 2009

First 50 lbs!

Went for my check up with my surgeon yesterday and I weighed 330lbs. That is 51 lbs down from my starting weight of 381. If I feel this good after just 50 lbs, I can not wait for the next 150 to come off. I can walk better, my legs aren't swollen and don't ache like they used to, I can breathe better, I don't get sleepy at my usual 2pm timeslot during the day, and I can wipe my rear without pulling a muscle!! I said at my last trip to Walmart before surgery that I would not ever use a scooter again and since surgery I have not had to use one. I need to get in a gym so I can try to start toning as I can feel my skin getting squishy. I just have not had time. My dad is still in the hospital and I have been running back and forth there in between work. I would not have been able to do that pre surgery, I would have fallen on my face from exhaustion and I am so thankful I can do for my mom and dad. I have not been making some of the best choices with all the running around but I am trying. I am eating more fish and trying to stay away from red meat as I am finding that doesn't agree with me too well unless it is ground hamburger. I cooked pot roast in the crockpot and it felt like it was stuck, I had to throw it up. I have not been able to do reheated meat, it seems too dry and I get that stuck feeling in my throat. I have all these recipes I have found that I want to try but haven't been to the grocery store in a month now other than essentials. My poor kids probably feel deprived. They told me last night that I needed to buy some new pants because mine was falling off and I was looking skinny. What a great feeling! I said I was going to do something to celebrate every 50 lbs, I think I am going to do a me day and go get a mani and pedi, haircut, eyebrows waxed and maybe a facial. Well I am off for now, got to run to the hospital...