Friday, May 29, 2009

First noticeable drop in size

Because I started out so large, my 30/32 sized clothes were already busting at the seams so I knew it would take me longer to move down in size. In all actuality if they made a 34/36, I probably would have been wearing those instead. Well, this past weekend I decided to go through my clothes as my family was fussing that my clothes were falling off of me and it looked like I was wearing a tent. I didn't see it because I am so used to everything being so tight, it was nice that things weren't so snug for once. Anyways, moving forward...I went through my clothes and packed up some of my nicer work pants and shirts and bagged up 5 bags to go to goodwill. I found clothes that I wore back in the 80 's and 90's, what was I thinking holding onto this stuff?? I had a hard time at first, making piles of trash, give away, goodwill, maybe I can wear or will need one day..then I had to finally say, no you will not need any of it because we are not going back! I did keep a couple pairs of jeans that although were a little loose, I thought they are still wearable and I felt comfortable in them for once. Can't change everything all at once, I suppose. So my closet looks bare and I head out to find me just a few tops. At the store, my fat girl mentality kicked in and I automatically went for the biggest size, I decided to try on a 26/28 and said the whole time, it's not going to fit, it is going to be too small. Guess what, it fit and truth of the matter I really could have gone with a 22/24 but I am not comfortable in clingy clothes. What a good feeling! So that means I have at least dropped 3 sizes! The only issue I had was most of the shirts were either too short in the waist or the sleeves were cut up to the armpit. This infuriated me. If you are a larger woman, why would you want to show off your fat stomach or jiggly arms??? I want to cover those areas not expose them. I end up getting stuck with quarter inch sleeves most of the time. I tell ya, who makes fat people clothes anyway?

I am down 68 lbs and people are finally starting to notice. I am getting all the questions of how much, what are you doing. I feel guilty about not disclosing the WLS but I just don't want everyone at work to know and I am fearful that what if it doesn't work and I don't lose a bunch of weight and people start talking abut how it didn't work, I must be broke or something. I had a lady who is very open about her RNY ask what I was doing and I didn't lie, I said cutting back portions, low carb and exercising. Not a lie, right? Here was her follow up pills? you didn't have gastric bypass? My response, no I didn't have gastric bypass (I didn't lie, thank god she didn't ask specifically WLS) and I am taking B12 and protein supplements in the morning, which is also not a lie. Is this wrong??

I am having to wear my spanx everyday now as the stomach issues are not getting better. I am not comfortable without the spanx because I am all jiggly. Price I have to pay, I guess. I am going to make an appointment with my PCP soon so I can start getting the stomach issues documented so when it comes time to submit for a pannilectomy, I will have my back up. I got my collagen pills and am using the nioxin shampoo and I got a hair cut, shoulder length. I am noticing improvements, I am not losing near as much hair, it seems, or maybe I am just not noticing it since it is shorter. Either way I am pleased as I am not pulling out gobs of hair at a time. So far, I recommend the collagen tablets.

My dad is coming home next week, after 5 months in the hospital so I feel like my life is somewhat becoming normal again. Maybe I can try some of those recipes I have been wanting to try.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The dreaded hair loss and skin issues

I knew it would happen. I read about it so I should have been well prepared for the hair loss. But I wasn't! For the last 3 weeks, I am noticing more and more hair loss. I am pulling it out by the handful, my brush has these long strands of hair every time I brush my hair and my shower is clogging. I can feel my hair getting thinner and it was already thin to begin with. I know there is nothing I can do to stop the hair loss, just to improve hair growth. I have been taking 3000 mcg of biotin each day since I had surgery. I have done some research and have since added Nioxin shampoo and conditioner, Vitamin E and Collagen tablets. I have read about using prenatal vitamins on a short term basis. If these other methods do not work, i will be adding prenatal vitamins. I have an appointment with my hairdresser tomorrow. I am going to talk to her about a shorter cut. I had heard this helps also with hair growth as well as not noticing hair loss as much with the shorter hair. The long strands are a bit alarming. The collagen tablets I ordered are Neocell Laboratories Collagen Plus C Tablets - 120 Tablets type 1 and 3.
I also read the collagen tablets help with skin elasticity as well and I can use all the help I can get in that area since if I get any plastic surgery, it will most likely only be a pannilectomy (insurance covered). After the noticeable hair loss, I started examining my body in the mirror, looking for changes. I am noticing the right side of my overlapping stomach is shrinking whereas my left is not. Can you say "Panic" and boy I did. It sent me into a slight depression for about a week and all kinds of regrets surfaced. I thought I am going to look deformed!! Didn't help matters that a post shared a website about someone who needed plastics after WLS and the pictures were downright scary. I am not sure what is going on with my stomach but I do know that I lost most stomach muscles after my emergency C section and after careful examination of the fact that I can't reverse surgery and the even bigger fact of why would you want to because I feel so much better, I decided this too shall pass. Take your rain and find the rainbow in it all. That's all I can do. I haven't had any time to myself with my dad being sick, work and everyday life but I made a commitment to myself that I will start exercising somehow, someway to at least try to help tone some things; as well as getting in my protein and water. When I watch tv at night, during commercials, I will do arm exercises (punching motions) and leg lifts all while sitting in the recliner. Hey, it's a start! I am also doing Wii Fit and yesterday I got all 64 oz of water in for the first time since surgery. Yay me!!