One bite at a time

So I have been really looking at what I am eating, counting everything trying to balance good eating skills with low carb so I can still lose weight. My sodium intake is out of control. I think on top of the vit D issues, I am retaining water from the sodium. But my blood pressure has been so low, my doc says eat salt, don't worry about your sodium. Ugghh! I am going to reduce it, if I begin having any low blood pressure incidents like dizziness, i will see my doctor. This is what I ate yesterday and my ending totals:

Morning: 16 oz cup of coffee w/ creamer
Breakfast: 2 scrambled eggs w/ cheese no added salt or pepper
Snack; 1 oz beef jerky, slice of cheese
Lunch:1/4 chicken quesadillia on low carb tortilla w/ spoonful salsa/sour cream
Snack: 1 oz beef jerky
Dinner: Inside of subway club, no bread
Dessert: 1/2 slice angel food cake, topped with 2 sliced strawberries and splenda
snack: spoonful peanut butter
Cals Fat Cholest Sodium Carbs Sugars Fiber Protein
1,055 49g 592mg 3,599mg 58g 42g 6g 90g

I feel like I ate a balanced diet, the beef jerky is definitely going to have to go, my carbs aren't great for losing phase but they aren't bad either. I think considering some of the things I have gone through with my eating, I think I made good choices and I am proud of that. This is a lifestyle change for me and I will figure it out, one day at a time, one bite at a time.

In a funk

This sucks! I can not budge my weight loss. I thought my G2 and creamer was the problem so I cut it out. 80 oz water a day, gym, low carb and this is what the last month looks like:

2/24 263
3/3 257
3/11 265
3/17 259
3/24 259
3/31 257
4/7 261

So what happened after the scale yesterday morning.... I have been on a binge. I have been reading on the vitamin issues and came across some info that low Vit D causes sugar cravings and weight gain. Hmmm...could this be the problem?? It has got to be something. A month and only a 3 lb loss. I guess I shouldn't complain, better than gaining. Just in a funk..

Reevaluating

So I kicked up the liquid intake to try to offset this dehydration thing. Still trying to figure out my labs. Looks like I am low on ferritin even though my other iron levels look good, Vit D (on my second round of 50,000 units a week) getting ready to add D3 as I understand this is better than just plain ole D.
So even with the increase in liquid, staying away from bad carbs and hitting the gym again, I am still stuck in the 250's. Up 5, down 5! What is the problem? So I decided to track everything that went in my mouth today. Well I see where the problem is!! My G2 and hazelnut creamer...Damn liquid calories! They have never phased my weight loss before but I think they are the culprit now. I said if I ever needed to adjust what I was doing, I will. Starting tomorrow I will drastically decrease my creamer in my coffee and totally give up my G2's for a bit. What? You didn't expect me to go cold turkey did you? I hate water but this is a must. I suspect to be able to report a huge loss next posting.

Vitamin issues and BUN creatinine

Had my labs done back in November by my PCP and my Vitamin D and iron was low. She put me on 50,000 units once a week for 3 months. I changed my multi vitamin to a prenatal vitamin for the extra iron. Went back for my follow up on my labs last week. Vitamin D is still low, she put me back on 50,000 units for 3 more months. Iron was ok this go round, B12 was a little high. Reduced my 2500 mcg to every other day versus every day. I expected the ups and downs with the vitamins as I have read about them on OH. What I have never heard of was BUN (Blood urea nitrogen) creatinine levels. My BUN level and my creatinine levels were within normal range. My BUN creatinine ratio was 29. This scared me at first because I was told this tests your kidney function. But I have since learned that the jump is probably from an increase in protein and slight dehydration. I am not drinking 64 oz a day but I am getting in close to 60 oz, but that is with my coffee too, which the caffeine is not helping from what I am hearing. This is what labtestsonline had to say about BUN levels:
5. What is a BUN/Creatinine ratio?
Occasionally, a doctor will look at the ratio between a person’s BUN and blood creatinine to help them determine what is causing these concentrations to be higher than normal. The ratio of BUN to creatinine is usually between 10:1 and 20:1. An increased ratio may be due to a condition that causes a decrease in the flow of blood to the kidneys, such as congestive heart failure or dehydration. It may also be seen with increased protein, from gastrointestinal bleeding, or increased protein in the diet. The ratio may be decreased with liver disease (due to decrease in the formation of urea) and malnutrition.
This makes me even more thankful I got my VSG. I knew I would not be 100% compliant with RNY and the malabsorption scared me so I know if I had gone that route, my issues would be worse. The congestive heart failure aspect scares me because this puts me right in line with all my dad's illness' but I am going to remain positive that this is from lack of fluid and my body freaking out over losing a great amount of weight. I am increasing my fluid and trying to incorporate regular water into my diet besides drinking nothing but G2, juice and coffee. Gah! I hate water....sigh

Things I have learned after one year...

Today is my one year anniversary of my surgery. I have lost 120 lbs total. I have lost and regained the same five pounds for 3 months now. Totally my fault. My head is trying to catch up with the weight loss, I have been making excuses for not eating right, money, time, stress. Whatever! They are horrible reasons to not use this gift I have been given. I have learned a few things along the way... I can eat way more now than I could in the beginning. Granted it is no where near pre op but more than a few months out of surgery. Before surgery I would go to McDonald's and order a filet of fish, a Big Mac meal w/ Large sweet tea and a double cheeseburger. Today when I go to McDonald's, I order the chicken nuggets happy meal, eat about 1/2 the fries and about 3 nuggets. Big difference. I have learned that I can eat a lot if I let myself graze. This is not a smart thing to do. I can get in just as many calories when I graze as I did pre op. Scary huh? Like yesterday...I am ashamed to post this but I just want you to know it is possible to consume as much food post op as pre op if you spread it out versus 3 meals and 2 snacks VSG portions... I had one egg and 4 pieces of bacon for breakfast. Ate about half the egg and 2 pieces of bacon...about 30 minutes later I was able to finish it. I started on a ziploc bag of cashews about 10;30am, munched on them off and on all day. Had a hershey bar in my desk, broke off a piece here and there, finished it off my end of day also. Lunch I had a chicken pot pie, could only eat about a third of it and about 30 minutes later, I took those last few bites and finished it off. While cooking dinner I had a bite of carrot cake. For dinner I had 1 hamburger patty, spoonful of mac and cheese and 8 french fries. I ate off that plate for an hour and got it all down! Later that night while watching tv, I had another bite of cake, 30 min later I had a 2 oz bowl of cereal, 30 min later I had a half a cookie. That is a LOT of food. Lesson from all this, once you are full, throw away the rest of the dang food or put it up for the next meal. In order to stay on track and keep on losing:
DO NOT NIBBLE ON THE SAME PLATE FOR MORE THAN 15 MINUTES.
DO NOT EAT BETWEEN DESIGNATED MEAL AND SNACK TIME
PROTEIN FIRST, VEGETABLE SECOND, CARBS LAST
DO NOT DRINK FOR AT LEAST 30 MINUTES AFTER YOU EAT
DRINK AT LEAST 64 OZ OF WATER EVERYDAY
DO SOME FORM OF EXCERCISE FOR AT LEAST 15 MINUTES A DAY

Those are pretty basic and simple. Staying on track and breaking old habits is hard as hell!
I am not where I am supposed to be but THANK GOD I am not where I used to be which is 381 lbs, size 30/32, unable to walk from my car to my office without being out of breath, unable to shop in Walmart unless I used a scooter. Today I can do all those things and more, I have not used a scooter since surgery, I weigh 255 lbs and in a size 22/24. I have a ways to go but I will get there.

Good Riddance 2009

This year has been nothing but a rollar coaster to say the least. I had big hopes for 2009 being my surgery was in January, this was going to be a year of change, a good year. Change did come but it wasn't all good. The news calls this the year of death because so many celebrities died, well it was my year of death too. I came close to death after my surgery, lost my uncle in February, my grandmother in April, my father in July and two days before Christmas my cousin lost her husband. Most importantly I lost the former version of me, the death of the fat me. It has had many challenges and played some serious mind games with me. I have battled with eating the right foods and exercise. These past few weeks I have been eating like I did last christmas before I had surgery. Like I was never going to be able to eat those types of foods again...sord of a get it while you can attitude. I know this is not true. I dare not say 2010 is going to be a great year because well we saw what happened when I said that last year. I am planning on trying to learn to love myself. Try to figure out why I choose food as a comfort and prefer my fat as a protection shield. I have got to do something or I am going to sit here at 126 lbs lost and go no further. The strong side of me will not let that happen. I want to become a gym junkie, I want to run. 2010 will be the year of finding me. I came up with some resolutions, some weight related some not. They will not all happen in January but I posted them on a sticky and put them on my computer as a reminder so maybe I will accomplish them one by one. They are:

1. Join some walk a thons (Got some great information on American Heart Association and Kidney Foundation)
2. Give back to the community (I want to do meals on wheels and volunteer at the local women's shelter)
3. Run (I plan on walking to the end of my road, eventually jogging and just going a little further everyday)
4. Only have sweets and junk on birthdays and holidays, stick to the program
5. Take shooting lessons and get my gun permit (this is way out in left field for me but I have always wanted to do it)
6. Travel (no where big, just a couple of trips to somewhere)
7. Go to church more (I need to reconnect with God, I need him to complete this)
8. Live life, do something everyday, whether it is call someone on the phone, the gym, volunteer, clean, shop, go to visit a friend, something!
9. Make mommy and me dates (My girls are older, I need to set aside time for them so I don't lose our connections)

Big goals! I have NEVER had this many goals. It has always been lose weight, that is it. I am not getting any younger, i want to live. I wish you all the best New Year.

But how bad do you want it?

Well you know when I don't blog regularly I am doing bad weight wise or there is something going on in my personal life. I guess it is a little of both but MOSTLY doing bad weight wise. I have asked myself several times over the past month, c'mon seriously? How bad do you want this? Why are you slacking? I have eaten junk and more junk. I have got to start working on the mental part of this whol journey because I am doing some serious self sabotaging to myself. I have lost 119 lbs, have gained and lost the same 5 lbs over the past 2 months. I should be down AT LEAST another 30 lbs by now!! I DO NOT want to stay at 260 lbs..I want to keep going. The diet is not hard, I truly do not EVER get hungry so why do I gravitate to the sugary sweets and chips and pizza? I think there are a couple of things going on.
#1: It is there and it is quick

#2: It tastes so darn good

#3: Hell, everyone else is eating it and it's not fair that I can't (Wow did that sound a 2 year old or what!)

#4: I hate the way my body is looking, I hate that I have to wear longer sleeves and longer shirts to cover up the excess skin. The left side of my stomach is still not shrinking along with my right so there is literally a hump (a ball of fat) and in the past when I am disgusted or mad at myself what do I do, EAT!

#5: I think I am scared of the attention. I am getting a lot of compliments and what are you doing and you are so skinny looking. I have always been the wallflower, no one noticed me. Now I find it makes me nervous and I still can't make eye contact, I just want to hurry up and get past them so I can hide just as I always did. I feel people looking at me now so I am even more self conscious of the excess skin so I think I am subconsciously trying to gain weight to go back to my safe place. Which is totally weird because I don't like how I felt before. I can shop now and walk and stand and not hurt like before.

The mental part of all this is definitely harder than I thought. I heard people say that but I really thought, if I could just lose weight everything will be perfect. Guess I lied to myself...now how do I fix it?

Other stuff going on, went to the doctor for my physical and blood work...vitamin D and iron were extremely low, thyroid levels out of whack a little. Up'd my vitamins and will make an appointment with the endocrinologist after christmas. She documented the excess skin issues and I told her my upper back pain has increased with this last 20 pounds I have lost. She said it was the excess skin pulling. Great!! Had another reality check early November...my mom had 3 blockages in her main artery and she has never been overweight or smoked. So heart problems are definitely in my genes between her and my dad...all the more reason to get this crap under control.

Good stuff: Went on a cruise to the Bahamas November 6 with some family. This was to celebrate my 100 lbs loss. So many wow moments that skinny folk take for granted. Being able to walk down the aisle in the plane, buckling the seatbelt without an extender, walking from one side of town in Nassau to the other without needing a chair right away(normally I would just not go because I knew I couldn't walk it), feeling normal sized around all the people, not avoiding picture taking, wearing high heels to dinner and then walking around the cruise ship with no efforts, taking the elevator even though it was crowded instead of waiting for the next one(out of fear there was not enough room for me), carrying my luggage and walking the airports...just going on a trip like that! It was awesome!!