Friday, July 17, 2009

Under 300!!!

Haven't been posting as I should. My dad did not come home from the hospital as we thought. He had a heart attack during dialysis the day he was to come home. This set him back a few weeks ofcourse. My computer at home crashed, don't have the money to get one and we are banned from going to social networks at work so I have not been able to reach out to OH for support. My dad is my number 1 reason I chose to go forth with would think watching him suffer for 6 months and dieing a slow agonizing death, I would have better motivation to eat right and not smoke. I have not been making good choices. I stalled at 300 a month ago. I blamed it on vacations, stress from my dad's illness, my mom needing me, stress from my teenager. But they are all mere excuses. I got back on the bandwagon Monday with slowly making better choices and BAM, down 5 lbs! Under 300 for the first time in 10 years. I thought I would be more emotional but nothing. I think I am in denial. I think my mind is determined to self sabotage. I need to do some soul searching and really work on this. I want my life to be different, but wanting and taking action are two different things. I have wanted it for over 10 years, I am just now taking action...small baby step action but action nontheless. I suppose it is all a work in progress. We all know that we didn't have surgery on our minds, just our stomach. Thank God I can not sabotage to the point I did pre surgery.
On a good note, my dad is home now. He came home Tuesday just 8 days shy of being exactly 6 months in a hospital. My mom was so thankful to be home as she stayed with him the entire time. Her faith is unwavering. She amazes me. He is not well by any means, just stable. i don't know how much longer we have with him. I was thinking last night about people always say "Life is short". You know it is such an overused phrase and it does not get the depth of thought and action on our part that is deserves. Life truly is short and it should be cherished.
I am still noticing the difference in clothes, had to buy new pants and some shirts. My bathing suit that I (GRRR) paid 100.00 for last summer is falling off of me. I am getting compliments (I am not used to that). The hair loss has pretty much stopped, I am still taking the collagen, biotin and other vitamins and using the shampoo. I am not noticing any changes with my skin issues. I know that will take some time. I miss all my OH friends!! I wish I was at a 100 lb loss versus just an 86 lbs loss but you know what, I am not where I want to be but Thank God I am not where I used to be. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other...I will get there!