Sunday, October 19, 2008

The Smoking Caterpillar

That was what my dreams were about last night...the smoking caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland. Whoooo Arree Youuuu? I had several other weird dreams...all involved smoking ofcourse. I am attempting to quit. Yes I am such a pessimistic, I said attempting! Part of me really does want to quit..I don't like the hold I feel it has over me. I would rather be able to smoke for enjoyment but I am a true addict so I smoke like a freight chain, like a crack addict who hadn't had a fix in a while. But the other part of me...oh how I miss that first drag in the morning after sipping my coffee. I hate how it smells embarasses me that people complain that their stuff smells like smoke when they leave my house. Wow, that is a great memory to leave behind...My niece saying ..oh smell my blanket, it smells like Aunt Teresa's house....smoke!!! NOOO, you want her to say it smells like baked cookies or my perfume or ANYTHING but smoke. I did pretty good last night with the smoking thing... I slept most of yesterday, I have tried to stay away from triggers like talking on the phone or the internet or driving. I decided not to shower this weekend..I know gross but if I shower I WILL go to the store and buy a pack!! I have to do laundry today so I will try to stay busy...worse case scenario, I just go back to bed. Tomorrow will be tougher because I have to go back to work. Uggghhhh. The caterpillar did turn into a butterfly and left his smokes behind eventually. That is the first and foremost reason I am have this surgery so I can release myself from this cocoon of fat and become my own butterfly.

Advice from a Caterpillar
The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence: at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice.'Who are you?' said the Caterpillar.
This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, 'I - I hardly know, sir, just at present - at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.
''What do you mean by that?' said the Caterpillar sternly. 'Explain yourself!''
I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, sir' said Alice, 'because I'm not myself, you see.
''I don't see,' said the Caterpillar.'I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly,' Alice replied very politely, 'for I can't understand it myself to begin with; and being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing.
''It isn't,' said the Caterpillar.'
Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet,' said Alice; 'but when you have to turn into a chrysalis - you will some day, you know - and then after that into a butterfly, I should think you'll feel it a little queer, won't you?
''Not a bit,' said the Caterpillar.
'Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,' said Alice; 'all I know is, it would feel very queer to me.
''You!' said the Caterpillar contemptuously. 'Who are you?'

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