Good Riddance 2009

This year has been nothing but a rollar coaster to say the least. I had big hopes for 2009 being my surgery was in January, this was going to be a year of change, a good year. Change did come but it wasn't all good. The news calls this the year of death because so many celebrities died, well it was my year of death too. I came close to death after my surgery, lost my uncle in February, my grandmother in April, my father in July and two days before Christmas my cousin lost her husband. Most importantly I lost the former version of me, the death of the fat me. It has had many challenges and played some serious mind games with me. I have battled with eating the right foods and exercise. These past few weeks I have been eating like I did last christmas before I had surgery. Like I was never going to be able to eat those types of foods again...sord of a get it while you can attitude. I know this is not true. I dare not say 2010 is going to be a great year because well we saw what happened when I said that last year. I am planning on trying to learn to love myself. Try to figure out why I choose food as a comfort and prefer my fat as a protection shield. I have got to do something or I am going to sit here at 126 lbs lost and go no further. The strong side of me will not let that happen. I want to become a gym junkie, I want to run. 2010 will be the year of finding me. I came up with some resolutions, some weight related some not. They will not all happen in January but I posted them on a sticky and put them on my computer as a reminder so maybe I will accomplish them one by one. They are:

1. Join some walk a thons (Got some great information on American Heart Association and Kidney Foundation)
2. Give back to the community (I want to do meals on wheels and volunteer at the local women's shelter)
3. Run (I plan on walking to the end of my road, eventually jogging and just going a little further everyday)
4. Only have sweets and junk on birthdays and holidays, stick to the program
5. Take shooting lessons and get my gun permit (this is way out in left field for me but I have always wanted to do it)
6. Travel (no where big, just a couple of trips to somewhere)
7. Go to church more (I need to reconnect with God, I need him to complete this)
8. Live life, do something everyday, whether it is call someone on the phone, the gym, volunteer, clean, shop, go to visit a friend, something!
9. Make mommy and me dates (My girls are older, I need to set aside time for them so I don't lose our connections)

Big goals! I have NEVER had this many goals. It has always been lose weight, that is it. I am not getting any younger, i want to live. I wish you all the best New Year.